We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
