So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
