Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
