I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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