we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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