Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
