my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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