Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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