Soap is not a condiment
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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