Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dick has a subreddit
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
