Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
