dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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