Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
