Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
