I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
