hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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