If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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