Soap is not a condiment
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
