he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
