I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
