Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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