i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
