she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
