I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
