The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
