remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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