Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
