Will you blow on my dice?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
