I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
