im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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