i just wanna soil my oats bro
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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