I want to make a zoo with you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
