I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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