Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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