why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
