I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
