i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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