Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
