Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
