There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
