He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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