Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
