if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
