Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
