he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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