You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
