we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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