i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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