I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
