Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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