At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
