First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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