Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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