two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
