dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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