he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
