She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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