So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
