The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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