Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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