Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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