My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
