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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
