Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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