we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
