I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
