Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize