they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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