i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
