is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
