its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
