hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
